How to Speak Con-Fluent English [Your guide to becoming The Coolest Gal/Guy in your radius (I know you want to become The One)}
Powerful Principle—OWN IT or CON THEM LIKE YOU OWN IT!!! (I ll tell you how to)
People move over from Basic English Learnin….I am gonna reveal how to do more with less.
Powerful principle—DO/IMPRESS MORE WITH LEAST EFFORT/ACTUAL KNOWLEDGE OF ENGLISH.
Sometimes ownin The Invisibility Cloak(a la Harry Potter) Helps unmaskin The Best kept secrets in the World.
My best pal from Jhumri talaiya – Pappu (Sorry for borin-overused-cliché-name but his mom/dad think it fits the bill n we ,too, will go with their sentimental name) is the coolest guy I know of. Not only because he can somersault n eat a pizza the same time and Manage to keep a straight face at best of Rajnikanthisms( or Bushisms or sardarisms or Blondisms)….. but because apart from all these, he can Roll out Some Alien Lang outta his mouth-tongue-vocal cords-brain(white matter n gray matter)-assortment and claim it is English And coolest one at that.
I decided (firmly) to end the humiliation of conversin with him and half the time thinking it is some alien blabber.
I hit the streets (In my Invisibility Cloak) tiptoein behind him…. Observin n tapin him full day……Analysin all the raw data in my Super-Intelligent brain and usin some really very specialized softwares (like Google Search, Chat rooms)……. And came with Followin Tips
Cool tip 1 Pick up any slang(That means speak anything …..well, like ….Anythin) n Claim it’s a specialized slang from a city or a part of USA/UK.
Like, Tell them it’s South American Accent or A Welsh Accent or A Buffalo (or Cow) Accent.
Super Important note: This tip works only when u go around advertising everywhere u r sportin a specialized Slang……. Otherwise People will think U r fakin a Accent—Again
( that’s Super-Noooot-Cool…U don’t wanna become/ Fake Salman or Aishwarya or Anushka or The person sittin alongside you)
Super Cool Tip 1 Abbreviate Surprises and Bad- dirty-Lang
OMG!!!!
WTF????!!!!????
LOL!!! ( I suggest instead of really laughin like Laughin-Buddha over a joke….juz make a straight face and say….LOL!!)
SOS!!
Need I tell this simple maneuver will soar ur stocks to The Coolest One!!! Go Soarin………..
Cool Tip 2 Watch One English Moovy [Yes ONLY ONE n Those havin Some Actual Talkin (not just makin……(er0tic)noises,silly)]
Observe How these people forget to speak half the word. Choose a Single Moovy… Rewind, Relisten, Rewatch every scene ( But not those scenes needin No Language of Words….Focus People Focus).
Uber Cool Tip 1 Blabber words/Phrases in Vogue
Advocate ‘Organic Food’.
Leave lil ‘ Less Carbon Footprint’ – Tell them how u carry ur Gal in ur lap Everyday, Everytime, Everywhere – To save Petrol/Pollution/Earth……. Of course.
Worry and Discuss Over ‘Green House Effect’ n Depletin ‘Ozone Layer’ resutin in ‘Global Warmin’ n ‘ Sinkin Magnificient,Beautiful Beaches n Beauties’.
Always Enlighten Them About ’2012’
Tell them about ‘Complete World Consciousness’ n ‘New Thought Movement’.
Super duper Uber Cool Tip 1 n Only 1 Go Global
English is a Global Lang. U go Global Too. Pick up (or Make up some) Expletives, Words, Phrases from random langs like French, Spanish, Yiddish, Tamil or Even ur local lang…….. Utter them as much possible….And if they are surprised at ur Alien tongue ……. Tell them, Behave n Act to make them like…. Oh! U don’t know this… U It’s latest word added to Our beloved English …. U Poor Mis-informed baby……
A Beginner's dictionary::
Instead of
Good Morn say Bon jour(French)
My Dear say Mon ami(French,again)
Bye say Sayonara(Cantonese)
Surely say Kandipa(Tamil)
Thanx say Gracias(????)
Ass say Derriere
N Swear like " terrymaakie"
Now Go Go Out…….. World is urs to conquer ( N some Poor Souls Too)
A Beginner's dictionary::
Instead of
Good Morn say Bon jour(French)
My Dear say Mon ami(French,again)
Bye say Sayonara(Cantonese)
Surely say Kandipa(Tamil)
Thanx say Gracias(????)
Ass say Derriere
N Swear like " terrymaakie"
Now Go Go Out…….. World is urs to conquer ( N some Poor Souls Too)
